Stop Feeling Sorry.

This little thought has just been itching at the back of my mind. I am so sick and tired of hearing how awful some people think their lives are. And I feel so entirely hypocritical saying this, since that is mainly all this blog is filled with; posts about how terrible my life is. And yet, here I am, writing on this computer, in a home, with food in the pantry, clothes in my closet, and I still have the nerve to complain about a lousy breakup, or the stupid glare I sometimes get from my peers. I don't mean to get all churchy on you all, (if there is anyone even reading this,) but I'd like to share my experience in seminary today. Our assignment was to share our favorite scripture, and a story to follow if we wished. An extremely obnoxiously happy girl gets up to share hers, and it's about persevereing to the end and knowing that you have always got God on your side. She then precede to talk about her life in foster care. She was adopted in her early childhood, abused for years, and then placed back into her foster care. I sat there just thinking, here I am, feeling sorry for myself on a daily basis for the stupidest reasons. Like not having a car, or not going to a sale I wanted to go to. It's pathetic, and it's ridiculous. While I am sitting in my desk at school, not taking full advantage of my oppourtunity to have an education, there is a child somewhere else in the world, that can only not afford schooling, but can't even afford to have clothes on his back, shoes on his feet, or even food on the table everyday. I advise you not to take for granted a single luxury you are given, because you never know how quickly in can be ripped right out from under you. Always keep in mind that you will never be given a situation that you cannot handle, and always remember that there is and there WILL ALWAYS BE many many people out there that have a much harder life than you do. And how do I know that, you may ask? Well, if you are lucky enough to have a computer to be reading this, then I guarantee you have a pretty dang good life, regardless of whether or not your trials are barable.

Look around.
Notice your blessings.
And give something to someone else today.

Days Like Today.

I hate days like today. I wake up, feeling good about myself, and I'm ready to take on whatever comes my way. But then you come in contact with ignorant, selfabsorbed ass holes. Excuse my language. But it amazes me how much a single person can turn my day from having the potential to being amazing, to a very, very bad day. I wake up  this morning, ready to go to attendance, and feeling motivated to get my butt in gear before school ends. The day will consist of an assembly, the very first drill practice of the season, and a captain parent meeting after. I was so excited, and certain people just ruin my entire mood. Here I am, trying to congratulate a dear friend of mine, and they don't even have the decency to come up and say hi. And then ANOTHER close friend of mine, stabs me in the back with her dick of a boyfriend. Which shouldn't surprise me, because that is nothing new. Today is one of those days when everything everyone does bugs me. Maybe its just the PMS talking, but seriously. Somethimes I wonder why God put so many retards on this earth.

Enjoy your day.
I'll try to do the same.

Moving On.

Dear Austin,

I hope you don't get mad at me for posting this, and I hope you are not angry about the things I am about to say. I wish I could say this to you in person, because you deserve more than a lousy blog post. But I have never been good at expressing myself, and you know that better than anyone. In all honesty, I love you more than I have ever loved another human being. And I wish it didn't have to end like this, but you and I both know that it is the only way. Our relationship wasn't a healthy thing. But don't get me wrong. I don't regret a second of our time together. I had some of the best memories come out of our relationship, and you taught me so much about myself. You taught me that I can do anything I set my mind to. You showed me how strong I really am. You taught me that I am actually worth something. You showed me that it IS possible to be a perfect person. You never frowned, and I loved that about you. You never hated, nor expected anything in return for giving so much. And I admire you for that. You are not selfish in any way, shape, or form. And I can't wait to see you grow into something more than you have already become. I hope you realize how amazing you truly are. You are going places with your life. Don't let anyone tell you different. You are your own person. You are truly beautiful, inside and out. I just want to tell you that I am OK with everything that has happened between us, because I know you will worry about it way more than you should. I want to say thank you for all of the amazing times. Thank you for all the money that you spent on me. Thank you for the amazing dates we went on. Thank you for the Christmas presents, the cafe rio and subway runs, and all the great times you gave me. No one could make me laugh like you could, so thank you for that, too. Thank you for showing me the world from a completely different view. Thank you for helping me to not be afraid to try new things. Thank you for all of the baseball games, and thank you for the amazing weekends. Thank you for showing me what love really is. But most importantly, thank you for being a friend. I am so grateful that that is still what you are to me. Because in all honesty, I couldn't go a day without your warm smile brightening my day. You are my whole world, and I hope you realize that you hold the key to my heart. You always will. Tell your family how much they mean to me, because you know that I won't be able to do that myself. Your family was always there when I felt as if mine wasn't. Your father is one of the wisest men I have ever met. Please listen to him and his advice he gives. Because in the end, he will always be right. Please spend more time with your mother. I know I always told you otherwise, because I was selfish and wanted you for myself, but she does more for you than you will ever know. And she cherishes every moment you spend with her. Please try and be around for your little brother more. I can see that he looks up to you, and you could make a big impact in his life if you really tried to. Tell Mitchell thank you for being such a great listener. And such a great teacher(: (He will know what that means.) Always remember how happy your step parents make your parents. Please don't ever give up when it comes to sports. You are amazing, regardless of how you play for one game. Please go through school with the same attitude that you have always had. And don't ever change how hard of a worker you have turned into. I hope you know that I wouldn't change a thing about the way we went through our lives for those seven months. And now we know what not to do in our future relationships. I hope you find a girl that fits you perfect, because you deserve nothing but the best. I am always here for you. And I mean that whole heartedly. I owe you so much, and I probably won't ever be able to give back everything that you gave me. You changed my life forever, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I am not going to lie to you though, I am going to miss you as my guy more than you will ever know. I will miss when you hold me and kiss me, but the thing I will miss more than anything else, is the fact that I always knew you were there and that you loved me. But I can't wait for our future together as best friends. Because that is what we are now. And you are not going to be able to get rid of me, no matter how hard you try(: Please PLEASE always come to me with your problems. That is the whole reason I am here. I want to help you in every way that I possibly can. So again, thank you so much for all you have taught me. Never change the person you are, because you are so so amazing. I can't say enough how much I love you. But just know that I do more than words could ever explain. I love you, and I always will no matter where this crazy world takes us. You have stolen my heart.. princess(:

09/17/2010-04/25/2011

What an amazing 237 days.

Love always,

Kalen.

Remember When.

Lately my life has been filled with far too many of these. I always catch myself saying, "remember when this and this happened? yeah.. I miss that." I miss a lot of things. I miss kissing tag. I miss scraped knees. I miss when boys had cooties. I miss when fights occurred on a daily basis, but you were over them within ten minutes. I miss crayons. I miss grass stains. I miss when your biggest worry was whether or not your mom was making meat loaf for dinner. I miss being young and carefree. Now all your worries are about what college your going to, what guy your planning on marrying, how far you went with your boyfriend last weekend, what the last fight was about between you and your parents, how horrible your grades are this week, which friend got hooked on marijuana last week. It's awful. I hate it. And I wish things would go back to the way they used be. But is that really possible? Can you just tweek everything to the point where your whole adolescence life is back in your hands? Because people change. They are always changing. They are growing up every second of every day. The girl you were best friends with in sixth grade, is a completely different girl that you pass by in the hallway today, while trying to avoid eye contact. Is it possible to be so compatible with the same people you were with in sixth grade, even if you and them have grown into something completely opposite? I honestly don't think that is how it works. You grew apart for a reason. And unless fate has some twisted future in mind for you, you can't grow back together just because you decide that that is what you want. It doesn't work that way. It never has. I wish this would stop happening to me.

I miss the old me.
Please come back.

Who Says You're Not Perfect.

The term "hot" has never quite made sense to me. Who ever came up with comparing high temperatures to looks, was an absolutely idiot. Call me old fashioned, but calling a girl "hot" is a bit of an insult. We prefer words like, beautiful. Or pretty. Please refrain from assuming we have a fever as high as a kite. Speaking of beautiful, who decided what was beautiful? Please explain to me, when the point in time came that someone stepped up and said, "I think beauty is clear skin. I think beauty is zero fat, and chizzled abs. I think beauty is smooth hair and expensive clothing." Who decided that? And please tell me why on earth people ever agreed to believe that. Beauty should come from the inside. When calling a girl beautiful, you should be referring to her soul. A beautiful soul. Because if a girl has a beautiful soul, it should show on the outside, as well as the inside. The texture of your skin, your weight, or the brand of clothes you wear shouldn't stop you from feeling beautiful. Anyone can be beautiful. But it's up to you to decide if you want to be that way or not.

On another note.
Today. Was a fantastic day.
Found out we have a coach. Meeting her thursday!!!(: so so excited.
Our whole team is coming back. I love them all.
Went to lunch. Twice. With Austin, believe it or not. Nerd never leaves for lunch.
Got the permit. FINALLY.
Baseball game. I love baseball.
I think I may have been kissed by the sun. I'll keep you posted.
I am feeling quite a bit better.
Met a new friend, and caught up with a few old ones.
Laughed. A lot.

I love my life. I'm on fire today.

Flipped.

Ever have those days when your just so... what's the word... frazzled, if I may?
I just can't get over the fact that our entire school is being tipped upside down. Football players are trying out for cheer, drill girls are trying out for dance co, everyone.. and I mean EVERYONE, is without a club currently. And it's blowing my mind how big of a change everything is becoming. But that's okay, because change happens for a reason. So it's like... Whatever(:

On another note. Yesterday was mine and Champ's seven month. Cute(: It's killing me that it has been that long. I feel like it was just yesterday he was asking me to homecoming. He has been such a good boyfriend lately. Calling me after baseball like.. everyday and asking if I wanna go get food, or just want to hang out. It's pretty cute. And I love him.

Drill still doesn't have a coach. I'm going crazy. And I'm getting fat. Soooo... make a decision stupid principal. Like now. kaythanks.

School is over in six weeks, and I still have.. what is it... 16 absences to make up? That's right people. I have to go to absence school 16 times before school is over. Don't ask how I'm gunna pull that off.

I have been so sick for the past week. Just freaking kill me already.

Some boys are so dramatic it's ridiculous. Grow up already. We're in high school now.

Spring break was a blast. Not very different from any other weekend, but still a blast. Trafalga gets better and better every time I go there.

School needs to end A.S.A.P.

People need to stop dying. Suicide is dumb. Stop it.


kay I'm good now. peace and blessings.

The Best Friends.

I feel as though I don't thank my friends enough. And I am not one one for pouring my heart and soul out to someone on a whim. It's just not my thing. But I am just so sick and tired of reading people's blogs, and hearing about how awful their lives are and how they cannot trust anyone. Get over yourselves people. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, and be a little friendlier. Because I promise not everyone in the world hates you. So in honor of proving that, I'd like to offer a sincere thank you to my closest friends; the people in which I trust more than anyone else in this world. Thanks for always being there.

Tawnee Wiane Jordan.

Madalyn Leigh Bowden.

Brinley McAfee.

Kilee Pearl Casey.

Stephanie Gladwin.

Austin Reid Tidwell.

Dylan Pendleton.

Mitchell Jeppson.

ALSO. A little recap on last night. It was really good. Went to Ty's, watched Zombieland, smoked I mean, played everyone in just dance, played guesstures, drove Ty to the gas station, played hide and seek, (mind you, the youngest one playing was josh..who is almost 15.) and then watched 8 mile. It was simple. It was fantastic. Oh and happy birthday to Jordan(:

Enjoy today.

It's beautiful.

And so are you.